To Abby, please:Random and uncontrollable spasms on one side of the face are the hallmark of hemifacial spasm (HFS), a relatively uncommon disorder that I have. Botox injections and/or surgery can occasionally be used to treat HFS. Social interaction is difficult for those with HFS when their faces twitch for no apparent reason, sometimes accompanied by slurred speech.
Since surgery didn’t work for me, my only choice is Botox, which makes one eye wide open and prevents one side of my mouth from moving or smiling normally. I’m still working on accepting this facial asymmetry as my new normal.
Despite my self-consciousness about being photographed, people with cameras keep insisting.
Could you provide me a reaction for when people who take pictures don’t accept no or, worse, urge me to merely smile—something I can’t do anymore? Midwest Self-Consciousness
To the Self-Aware:I have a few ideas regarding this issue. The first is that not everyone has the same level of skill when it comes to Botox administration. Does the individual giving yours have a dermatology background? Regardless of the response to this question, it could be advantageous to seek advice from multiple sources.
If you are concerned about being photographed, let the photographer know that you either don’t want to be photographed and why, or that you will not be smiling for apparent reasons.
Another idea: Think about arranging yourself so that your more attractive side is facing the camera, as many famous people do when asked to strike a pose.
To Abby, please:When my partner instructed me to apologize to a woman in line behind him at the market, I felt ashamed. I stated I would run to retrieve something I had forgotten just as he was ready to pay for the groceries. The order was still being rung up in less than a minute.
He yelled at me to apologize to the woman in line behind him when I returned to add the item. He was still paying, Abby! When I went to grab the mustard, she wasn’t even in line. I assumed he had informed her he was waiting for me because he was still there.
This is not the first time he has done this. Even if I did, he could have told me in private and not made me feel like a bad kid. I don’t think I did anything wrong. If we had moved past the checkout line, I would have felt differently, but he hadn’t. I believed he was waiting for me. No Child in Florida
To Not a Child:I can see how it may have been somewhat inconvenient to rush back to get the mustard if there had been a large line. Your partner shouldn’t have made you feel embarrassed the way he did because there wasn’t. Assume that he finds satisfaction in doing this since it wasn’t the first time he had done it. Consider carefully if you truly want to spend the rest of your life with someone like him. (I’m positive I wouldn’t.)
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.
