To Abby, please:The town where I reside is quite little. I’ve felt like some of these folks are upset with me ever since my husband passed away a year ago. I experienced what my therapist referred to as a nervous breakdown six months following his passing. I can’t recall much of what I did or said, and I know that for a while I wasn’t myself. I’ve been accused of using foul language and saying hurtful things to close friends. This took place over perhaps three days.
What I stated will not be revealed to me by my buddies. These women are part of my card club, and I believe I cursed at them and said or did some terrible things. I haven’t been able to convey how sad I am about it. I’ve tried, but nobody is willing to tell me what went wrong. They inform others, and those others haven’t been cordial ever since. I was warned that I would not be permitted to return to the club after being ejected.
Could you please suggest some ways I might get my friends to want to hang out with me again? I need help since I’m miserable. An outsider in Iowa
To the Outcast:You must be quite unhappy. In that social group, the women abandoned you. Were any of them ever informed that you were receiving psychotherapy following your husband’s death because you experienced a psychiatric breakdown? Shame on them if they were aware of it and were unable to comprehend or pardon your reaction.
You will need to find companionship elsewhere since you cannot make someone be understanding and nice enough to clarify what you were saying when you weren’t yourself. You could start by talking to your religious advisor in that little town.
P.S. I wonder if the women aren’t talking to you because of what you said to them when you weren’t yourself.
To Abby, please:One of my coworkers constantly criticizes teachers, primarily on pay and summer vacation. It is always the teacher’s responsibility if her daughter needs to remain after school to finish assignments. My spouse is a retired educator. He is aware that the cooperation of parents, instructors, and students forms a triangle that leads to student success.
I get irritated whenever she complains, even though I know it’s not about my spouse. His starting pay was just above the poverty line when we relocated here 25 years ago for his job. Despite being a state politician, her father never supported teachers. I pretend to hear him while she talks. Her husband used to be a police officer, and I would never consider disparaging his line of work on a daily basis. What should my word be and how can I get it in edgewise? Looking North
To My Wondering:The next time your coworker interrupts, get over her insults and tell her how hard your spouse worked for little compensation, attempting to force an education on largely uninterested pupils. Perhaps she will reconsider speaking to you about that topic if you say it with emotion.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.
