To Annie, please:My spouse and I question why close friends and family members repeatedly say, “I’ll have you over for dinner,” but never follow through. We enjoy entertaining and don’t ask for anything in exchange. However, it’s discouraging when someone makes the same offer again and even texts you, but never follows through. We perceive it as disrespectful.
At the end of an evening together, my husband believes they are merely empty words. Instead, I think individuals may simply say, “Thanks for the lovely evening.” In some ways, continuing to do something to someone is akin to mental abuse.
There are a lot of reasons why I might have forgotten something today, such as being busy. When everyone is so self-centered, it’s difficult to keep up positive relationships. Any suggestions? I appreciate what you do.
Ohio disappointed
To My Disappointed:Your husband might be correct. The majority of individuals say things like this to be courteous, and they frequently do so carelessly with no malicious intent. Even still, it hurts to know that your kindness and hospitality aren’t being returned.
The important thing is to begin viewing these remarks as gentle compliments rather than firm commitments. Tell your friends, “We’d love to do this again, just let us know when works for you,” the next time you leave a social event. After that, they have the upper hand. People who take initiating as seriously as you and your spouse will.
Although it’s not abuse, having to put forth the effort all the time hurts and gets exhausting. Concentrate on the friends who do show up and stick with it. You should spend your time there.
To Annie, please:I recently got back in touch with a former coworker with whom I had a close relationship—so close, in fact, that several of our coworkers initially assumed we were dating, which was definitely not the case! She kissed me on the cheek and we hugged for a longer time than usual when we bumped into each other. I followed suit. We decided to go out to supper the next weekend.
I was really taken aback when she greeted me with a kiss on the lips when I picked her up on the weekend. “Despite everything we’ve done together, I didn’t think we’d ever kissed on the lips in the entire time we’ve been friends,” she remarked. I apologized after wanting to tick that off the list. I simply smiled back without saying anything.
She said she didn’t feel comfortable and grabbed my hand as we walked across the dimly lighted restaurant parking lot. It wasn’t until we were seated at the restaurant that she let go. “Item two crossed off my list,” she replied, glancing at me.
Our relationship has developed since that night to the extent that we now sleep at each other’s houses alternately, hold hands everywhere we go, and most recently, sleep naked together. We’ve talked about having sex but decided to put it off for the time being because we’ve both been under a lot of stress at work.
I want to know if we are both happy to be snuggle buddies or if we are both prepared to commit to a serious relationship. I would be very grateful for any feedback.
I’m debating whether or not to fully commit in Virginia.
To My Wondering:It appears that things have progressed beyond casual since you two have already reached a number of emotional and physical milestones. But you and this woman are the only ones who really know the answer to your inquiry.
Since you’ve known one another for years, you obviously have chemistry, which is one of the best ingredients for a strong, long-lasting relationship—if that’s what you want. Asking is the greatest approach to find out where you stand.
Give your love goals some serious thought, let this woman know what they are, and then give her the opportunity to express them. Go at your own speed and use whatever label you both agree upon.
The most important thing is that you are both heading in the same direction, no matter where that may take you.
How Can My Partner Who Cheated Be Forgiven? is currently available! Both print and e-book versions of Annie Lane’s second anthology, which includes her favorite pieces on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation, are available. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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