To Abby, please:Jake, a buddy of mine, will be a groomsman at his friend’s wedding. Since they were young, they have been friends and have experienced many things together. Although Jake and his friend’s fiancee have been dating for over six months, Jake has been told that he will not be receiving a plus-one invitation to the wedding. She cites the fact that the wedding invitations are limited to those who were in relationships prior to becoming engaged.
This offends Jake and his girlfriend greatly. He has discussed their viewpoint with the groom, but the bride is adamant about her choice. Every wedding guest, especially the groomsman, is always given a plus-one when they are invited, in my opinion! Knowing that he will be celebrating his friend that evening while his girlfriend is by herself at home makes Jake feel terrible. What do you think? In Canada, fair is fair.
To Fair,Although sending out wedding invites with a plus-one isn’t a given, it is unquestionably the polite thing to do. It is important to make visitors feel as at ease as possible. Members of the wedding party are no different.Being invited to be a groomsman does not obligate you to accept. In my opinion, Jake would prefer to respectfully decline his friend’s request to attend the wedding and be a member of the wedding party and let him know that he needs to find another groomsman.
To Abby, please:Five years ago, I received a colon cancer diagnosis. I recovered after three hospital stays and two surgeries. I realized it was time to downsize at age 62 as a result of the experience. I relocated my spouse and I to a charming retirement community in a smaller, one-story house.
I now have a metastatic cancer diagnosis that is incurable. I’m receiving treatment to extend my life. It’s a difficult and taxing procedure. I’m finding it difficult to get my hubby ready for my absence. I believe I’ve taken the required actions. He doesn’t seem to want to prepare, even though I want him to be ready. We’ve been wed for forty-five years. I want him to take the initiative, but I have told our daughter where the legal and vital documents are. What can I do to encourage him to take part? In Nevada, getting ready
To the Preparing:You can’t make your hubby take the initiative on this. He might be in denial or unable to see past the inevitable because he is so emotionally spent and overwhelmed by the prospect of losing you (after 45 years!). Make sure your daughter is aware of all your desires, both before and after your passing, since she could need to take over. And pardon your spouse. He will need to deal with your loss however he naturally feels.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.
