To Eric, My wife, who had no biological children of her own, gave a diamond tennis bracelet and diamond stud earrings to her niece when we revised our wills. My wife received a pancreatic cancer diagnosis later that month, and she would pass away from it 19 months later. Our daily ally while we negotiated the complex world of cancer treatment was my daughter, my wife’s stepdaughter, who works as a radiation oncologist.
My wife’s niece got engaged shortly after her diagnosis, and she wished to survive long enough to attend her niece’s wedding, which we accomplished. Other than paying her a visit during her last two weeks with her parents, seeming bored the entire time, the niece never contacted her aunt during my wife’s illness that I am aware of.
I organized a two-day celebration of life that year. I requested RSVPs and sent out invites. Although they were aware of the celebration of life even before the pregnancy was announced, the niece’s mother informed me that they (my wife’s brother, his wife, and the niece) would regrettably be unable to attend because the niece was pregnant and the second day of the celebration coincided with the day they chose to have the baby’s reveal party.
I still have full power over the will, so I would like to gift the bracelet and earrings to our daughter even though my wife had named her cousin as the beneficiary. She was there for my wife every day, and she was very grateful for that. I firmly believe that if my wife had been aware of how badly her niece had acted both during her illness and after her passing, she would have wanted our daughter to have those things as well. What should I do then? Do what I believe my wife would have wanted based on the niece’s actions both before and after her sickness, or respect her intentions as she expressed them before she became ill?
Lost Inheritance
To Inheritance, Respect your wife’s desires. Refusing to give your wife the bracelet won’t change the past or accomplish what you truly want, which is to let her give the niece her love. I assume that you can gift your daughter other stuff from your wife’s estate. Additionally, I hope your daughter understands the significance of her presence to you and your wife during her illness. Telling her again won’t hurt.
However, see the tennis bracelet as a present that is offered freely and without expecting anything in return. Your wife cherished her niece. Theirs was a special relationship, like all others. You might not be fully aware of everything. However, even if you do, have faith in your wife’s emotions. The niece is not exonerated only because she received the bracelet. However, you may promote more of the beauty your wife brought into the world by respecting her wants.
R. Eric Thomas can be reached at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
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