To Eric, Favoritism is a terrible problem in my husband’s family. As the oldest, he was overlooked by his mother, who gave her second son everything of value. As though to indicate that my husband was somehow ineligible, my mother-in-law put on a dreadful show by slamming her nicer silver on the younger brother.
As a result, even though I felt defrauded of the customary silver heirlooms we were promised, I created my own serving pieces. His mother has turned into a thief and uses stealing from us as a way to lift her spirits, which is our problem. She makes it apparent that she views herself as both judge and jury: we don’t deserve our own store-bought goods, just as we didn’t deserve her passalongs.
How does one handle such a bad egg? She doesn’t want a sou between us—or me, as the worthless daughter-in-law! We are taking preventative measures against identity and financial theft. There should be no restrictions on how we might use our consolation silver.
For Spite, silver
To Silver, please: I don’t want to seem corny, but going out to dine with your mother-in-law is your best option. In this manner, you won’t be the victim of her theft, and I doubt a restaurant manager will overlook it.
Setting boundaries is the best line of action when we are unable to stop familial toxicity. Although those boundaries are frequently emotional, I believe that physical boundaries can also be helpful in this situation. In addition to causing emotional turmoil within the family, your mother-in-law is also committing crimes in your house. Don’t give her the chance. Sometimes a neutral setting is the ideal location to meet, just as with any other hostage-taker, emotional or not.
R. Eric Thomas can be reached at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
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