To Abby, please:When I was in high school, my parents were divorced, and Dad kept the house where I was raised. Despite having my own house and attending a college across town, I still frequently visited Dad. I used to be responsible for preparing the family meal two times a week when I was a teenager. I continued to cook while I was there because I loved it.
Currently, Dad lives with his serious girlfriend. When I visit, she claims it’s appropriate for me to be in the living room just because she feels uneasy having a guest in her kitchen. I should ask her for a drink of water if I want one. It feels like a power maneuver to push me away, but she calls it being a good host. It’s her house and her rules, according to Dad.
I regret that the place where I spent eighteen years of my life is now closed. I understand that mom feels anxious about our connection and wants to keep me and my dad apart, but her rigidity makes me feel unwelcome in the home where I grew up. They both declined my invitation to come to my house. Now what should I do? In Arkansas, pushed out
To Abby, please:Your father has made it plain that he doesn’t want to upset his girlfriend, who seems to be insecure and domineering. You are forced to abide by the new house rules because of the situation. See your father if you can follow them. In the event that you are unable to make amends, you might need to wait until he has missed you before he agrees to visit you. (What a depressing situation. I apologize.)
To Abby, please:I love animals. Even though I adore all breeds, I dislike dogs because of their general chaos, odor, fur, jumping, and slobbering. There are numerous dogs, both large and small, in my spouse’s family. The family prefers them that way because they are not trained. They consider jumping or climbing on a guest’s lap to be adorable. They think it’s a strategy to get favor. The furniture smells terrible since their dogs are permitted on it. While we are at the dinner table, they also feed them.
I am aware that people love and care for their pets as if they were family, so I wouldn’t expect them to alter their behavior for me. However, I also fail to see why I should expose myself to something repulsive.
How do I politely let them know that I don’t feel comfortable dining or staying at their house? I’ve discovered that telling someone you don’t like dogs is the easiest way to start a quarrel. (Even though I own a cat, I would never consider taking her out in public or to someone’s house.) Smoking is permitted in my in-laws’ house as well. I don’t smoke. I’m not good with foul scents. Do you have any recommendations? In Florida’s Doghouse
To Doghouse,Yes, I do. Engage your dog-loving in-laws in frank conversation. I promise that if you tell them exactly what you wrote to me, you won’t have to endure their hospitality ever again. The issue has been resolved.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.
