To Abby, please:My ex-wife just passed away, leaving a house in her name to our two daughters, who were in their 20s and 30s. My daughter occasionally works as a model, and my son has an excellent career. Both of them were crushed by her passing. In addition to being in poor condition, the house she left them need repairs as well as zoning and permit upgrades.
I recently won a personal injury claim and make a nice life. Since my children’s emotional loss has kept them out of commission for some time, I have been supporting them during the past few months. In addition to helping with rent and living expenses, I have made tens of thousands of dollars toward their house.
After many years of living with me, my girlfriend has suddenly lost it and is yelling at me for using our future retirement funds for them. “How dare I think of them and not us,” she says, criticizing me for helping them and not letting them succeed on their own. She has never gotten along with my children. She has consistently been upset and resentful of any attention I give them, and she has accused me of spoiling them when I have previously offered assistance.
I’m upset because my partner, who is childless, doesn’t see why I want to assist. I consider it my moral duty as their father to support them, and I consider myself lucky to be able to do so. Isn’t providing as much assistance as possible the proper thing for parents to do? Is my girlfriend acting inappropriately? Our relationship has suffered as a result, and I fear it may be in ruins. California’s Good Guy
To the Good Guy:I’m not familiar with the specifics of your financial status, your relationship with your partner, or the potential long-term effects of your generosity. Naturally, loving parents naturally want to support their kids. Tens of thousands of dollars, however, is a substantial sum of money. Given the emotions involved, it becomes sense to consult your lawyer and certified public accountant for advice on this topic.
To Abby, please:The spouse of a dermatologist is my male acquaintance, an attorney. This acquaintance is unhappy and feels taken advantage of almost every time he deals with a medical professional. He confirms that physicians purposefully overcharge and prescribe needless testing. He repeatedly and loudly does this.
As a former medical practitioner and health care consumer, I can attest to the fact that many aspects of our healthcare system are in disarray. I have no idea how to put an end to his tirades. I make an effort to shift the topic, but almost all of the conversations are the same. Weary of Hearing
To Tired,You are not being held captive. The next time this friend brings up the topic, tell him you’ve heard his grievances, that there is nothing you can do about them, and that you’d rather talk about something constructive while you’re together.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.
