To Abby, please: My three daughters are twenty-five, twenty-one, and soon to be fifteen years old. I’ve always had my youngest living with me. When she was one, her father and I split up. Their relationship was always positive. Our co-parenting relationship has deteriorated over the past few years because he married and relocated to a different state.
Spending time with my youngest has always been a source of complaint. She occasionally sobbed when she got home since she didn’t want to accompany him. She told me abruptly that she wants to live with him and complete her high school education in that state. She is currently a freshman in high school. My heart is broken by this. I do not wish for her to abandon me. She tells me it’s because she will be able to go into a decent college there because the schools are superior.
I’m not sure whether my ex has spoken to her or if that’s what she truly desires. I’m not sure how to respond to this. I feel like my child is leaving me. The elder girls have not yet left me, and all of my girls have lived with me. Uneasy in New Jersey
To Nervous:Are you unable to communicate with your ex? Speaking with him and his spouse about the standard of education in their community and whether they are amenable to full-time custody of your daughter may help you learn more.
You should be discussing this significant transition in your youngest’s life with her on a regular basis. You and your fear of losing your child shouldn’t be the topic of conversation. It should center on her goals for college and how she intends to reach them.Even though your daughter is young, many parents would be pleased of her for considering her future so early on rather than afraid.
To Abby, please:Of my three sisters, I am one. For celebrations and birthdays, our family is quite tight. On the other hand, its financial problems have gotten worse. It’s commonly believed that I’m doing exceptionally well because my siblings and I do well. Even though I consider myself fortunate to have a profession, there are significant costs associated with it, such private school, sports clubs, and my own children’s birthdays.
The issue I have is that my middle sister asked me to throw a party for our younger sister’s impending milestone birthday. It has often been our responsibility to pay for her birthday celebrations over the years. Her husband never offers to pay for them or does anything. I don’t want to be a sourpuss, but I’m sick of paying bills that range from $500 to $1,000. My family and I have expenses of our own. Am I being irrational? California’s Drained Sis
To My Exhausted Sister:You’re presenting the facts, not being irrational. Discuss your feelings openly with your middle sister. Inform her that you both believe it’s time to go up to this brother-in-law and ask him to help celebrate his wife’s milestone birthday. Additionally, if you intend to throw her any additional birthday celebrations in the future, make them more low-key.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. Get in touch with Dear Abby via P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or at www.DearAbby.com.
